The Bald Truth

"Nobody notices when you're bald. Everyone notices when you comb over."

Willie Tang, photographer.

       

Who is more noticeable?

One of the nicest things that a bald man loves to read is the news of some academic study or other shows that bald men are inevitably sexier. It’s especially true in Singapore as a portion of our economy is dependent on making bald men feel like shit for being bald (the one group of advertisers that never seem to have problems with the budget are inevitably the “hair restoring” companies.)

As someone who started losing the hairs on his head at an early age, I find myself in an interesting position when it comes to talking about being bald and the sex appeal of being bald. 

My problem being that as a child I had a good head of hair and sobbed whenever I had to go for a haircut. My heroes were inevitably men with a good of hair and the only people who got away with being bald were Yul Brynner of “The King & I” fame and to a certain extent, there was Telly Savalas of Kojak fame. My youthful hair loss wasn’t helped by the fact that my Dad, even at the age of 70, has a good head of hair and his initial reaction to discovering my hair loss was to send me to a dermatologist and to sponsor the Propecia pills (which stopped when I suggested that being bald but able to get it up beat having hair but impotent). Thinning hair at 18 wasn’t exactly good for the ego.

Having said all of that, things are changing. The number of “bald” sex symbols have grown (Think Vin Diesel, Dwayne Johnson, Jason Statham etc) and being bald in some cases can be fashionable. It helped that people who had more hair than me at 18, now have shinier scalps and while Dad no longer sponsors Propecia pills, he happily encourages me to get a fashionable hair cut – which I do, I go under the razor every month. Then, as my second stepfather (who happens to be bald) said, “Women still love you when you are bald,” and I probably get laid a little bit more than when I was in my teens.

So, as you can see from what I’ve just said, I should be an expert on whether bald men are sexier and so, here I am trying to answer the question of whether bald men really are sexier than the rest

I believe the answer lies in one of my Dad’s bits of unintentional wisdom when I started losing hair. He said, “Nobody notices when you are bald. Everyone notices when you are a comb over.” Baldness is like old age – you either embrace it or it embarrasses you.

Let’s go back to the first bald sex symbol – Mr. Yul Brynner, who actually had a good head of hair. However, when he stared in the King & I, he ended up gaining so many positive reviews for his shinny scalp that he made it a point to shave his head. Mr. Brynner exuded confidence in himself and that in turn made him sexy. Confidence, as they say – is sexy.

Mr. Brynner and his successors made baldness work for them by embracing it and making it part of their image of being “Men-Men” (as opposed to what Arnold Schwarzenegger calls “girly-men). You don’t have to be built like a member of the NBA to pull it off (OK, don’t be slob in your personal appearance) – you just need to be confident enough to go all the way. A shinny scalp shows the world that you’re not afraid of being who you are. Bald sex symbols are what they make being bald work for them.

At the other extreme are those who try to hide it. Comb overs are usually the most noticeable. In Singapore, we had the case of former SIA CEO, Dr. Cheong Choong Kong. For an ordinary person, being a comb over is merely bad fashion choice. However, when you are the CEO of the National Airline of a country that has made the National Airline an extension of itself …….things can get a bit painful. Dr. Cheong who is a brilliant business leader in almost every aspect of the word, didn’t get this. One only has to remember the “tragi-comedy” of the little strands of hair flailing in the wind during SQ 006, the crash in Taiwan. There we were trying to focus on enormous tragedy that had taken place and then, there were the few strands of hair dancing on Dr. Cheong’s head – I guess you could say this was comic relief to take our minds away from the tragedy.

Poor, Dr. Cheong. Here was mad who had done so much to make as a glowing meteor in the aviation market and yet, his inability to have confidence in his looks made him the butt of some less than tasteful jokes. Speaking as someone who spent his happiest years in PR, the only thing I can say is “Dude -you’re the CEO of SIA – who cares if you are bald?!”

As I bald man, I support the survey that says we’re better and sexier – but I do so with a qualification. You got to know how to be bald and you got to love being bald. Saying that the results are usually less than sexy when you try to hide being bald is being kind.