Tuesday, May 02, 2023

Don’t Let the B******* Grind You Down

 


I remember that one of the complaints that my employer once made against me was that when dealing with “foreign workers” I talked to them like I was like a “friend.” He reminded me that I was working for a “professional” service firm and I needed to sound professional.

I think of this incident in my life because it touches on what some might call a weakness. I am a nice person and I only get “nasty” and manipulative only in extreme circumstances. As a “commander” I wasn’t great at being tough on the men (You could say that I am meek chap until I kill someone.)

I make the effort of being particularly gentle whenever I’m talking to people who are “lower” on the proverbial social ladder, which in the Singapore context is focused on people like maids and construction workers. It’s particularly so in the case of the latter group as I’m usually the person who has to break the news to them that they’ve been f****ed in the liquidation scenario.

There’s a reason to this. I am actually terrified of sounding like a “superior p****” whenever I speak to people. Yes, I am very class conscious. I am aware that I was lucky enough to be born into a family with some money. Dad was at one stage a prominent enough advertising film director and he lived in a very swish condominium. My mom didn’t make the big bucks that my dad did but she’s from a family where it was understood that one got a degree. Both had decent enough careers and as I’ve mentioned in previous postings, that both of my parents had sufficient enough contacts who opened doors for me.

So, I am from a decent family and I have enjoyed a comfortable enough life. The fact that I was educated in the UK at a minor public school (public being the public that can pay), makes me a “privileged” person. My first wife used to get intimidated by the fact that I lived in “condo-land” and would sometimes bring that up in fights.

While I admit that I did grow up in a fairly comfortable environment, curtesy of my parents, I believe that I am most “class-conscious” when it comes to manners. I was brought up understanding that if you were in a “certain class” you did not under any circumstances belittle people, especially those who were less fortunate than you. I was brought up with the understanding that there was a distinction between class and money. You could be decked out nicely ad driving a Mercedes but if you talked down to the waiter, you were marked out as someone with no breeding.

This is not to say that I am a nice person. My ex-wife would probably disagree very strongly with that. I am not above being classist, racist, sexists and a whole load of other “ist.” However, in my daily dealings I work hard to try to leave my vices out of my speech.

In a way, its easy to do it when you talk to people who are on the same or a higher level. For example, every ambassador I’ve dealt with is always addressed as “Your Excellency” and you automatically adapt a certain sense of formality. Likewise, you do the same when you talk to your clients (after all, you are automatically polite to the people paying your bills).

Where I work extra hard is in dealing with people who are “lower” down the social ladder. The reason for this is simple. Everyone knows you’re going to be nice to the guy on top of you and the guy by your side. However, when it comes to people below them, many tend to forget their manners. Its as if being rude makes the other guy think you are better than him.

Have I been tempted to be like this? I can’t say that I haven’t been tempted to be “d***.” However, I have this fear that the people that matter to me are watching how I behave to people who are “lower” down the social ladder. I can visualise these people telling my parents “Oh, what type of rubbish son did you raise – someone who speaks to the less fortunate – LIKE THAT.”

That fear keeps me working hard to be conscious of speaking to people like a civilised person. If anything, I work on the principle that those above me are watching. I think its best said by American Musician, Austin Carlile:

 


 Trying to be a nice guy hasn’t always been easy. However, I’ve slept better knowing that whenever I’ve had to deal with people like foreign workers in emotionally tense situations like a human being. Being able to sleep knowing that I didn’t become a lower level being is a luxury I intend to enjoy till the very end.

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Maira Gall