The last time I got myself entwined in a relationship this forbidden was with Pam, who happened to be 12-years older, black and bi-sexual (normal preference for girls but I was a handy boy on the side.) When I look back at my relationship with Pam, I put it down to youthful rebellion. It was fun being the 19-year old snog partner of someone with such natural shock value. Worried the old man too. However, as I got older and Pam reentered my life, what seemed fun back in my teens was actually tiresome in my 30s. It was like - Happy Valentines Day for OLD TIMES SAKE. I suppose the cache of a woman 12-years older when your 19 is no longer the same when you've turned 30 and she's turned 42 but still acting like a teenager (though to be fair to Pam, she does not look a day older than 25).
This person is different. Yes, I'm turning 35 and she's turning 48 but I don't find her to be a chore. In fact, spending time with her was something I was actually excited to do. I remember the anxious feeling of waiting for the bus to get across the Causeway to see her in Malaysia. It was like I had something to go home to. Nothing sexual happened between us, we just spent time together and it was really good. We didn't talk allot (Her English ain't Queen's) but it was good, I felt at ease with the world.
I'm only just accepting that I'm probably never going to feel this happy for quite sometime. News of the time we spent together will slip out into her community and the mere knowledge that she had more time in my company than expected will have reprecussions. As for me, I can see my mother and sister cringing that I could fall for someone "Lower" than myself on the social ladder. Gina was a degree holder and as far as my mother was concerned, I might as well have brought home a mut.
What can I say? I just found myself feeling at ease with her. We're talking about a person who has lived with poverty that I and my contemporaries in Singapore and West will never be able to imagine. Yet, unlike the usual women I meet who are educated at university level, this was a woman quietly doing what she needed to do to feed her loved ones instead of whinning about how hard her life is and how badly fate has treated her. Instead of trying to con me into picking up her bills, she actually insisted on picking up mine and unlike her Singapore counterparts went out of her way to put me at ease about it.
So there it is. I had a moment with a woman who wasn't trying to find McGOD (As most who become fundimentalist Christian) and she wasn't trying to give me credibility by coming to me for advice. It was restful, blessful and good.
Unfortunately, it's over now and I have to accept that I live in a world of whinney whinney people with a curious idea of life.
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