Politics of the P***

 

If there’s any topic that’s going to get the men around the table uncomfortable, it is undoubtedly the topic of the size of their p***. I have friends from a variety of places and one of the things that we all have in common is the fact that we are attached to our trouser snake. A man has a very different relationship with his penis than a woman has with her vagina. To a woman, the vagina is something of an inconvenience – a place where pee comes from and its got to be washed because infections down there are no fun. Studies show that women don’t even think much of the vagina during sex (you got to deal with the rest of a woman’s body to get her happy).

Men on the other hand think of their penises as part of themselves. We have strange pet names for the fellow in between our legs and looking after the penis is very simple when compared to looking after the vagina. When it comes to sex for men, if its good for the penis, its good for its owner.

I live in a part of the world where the man’s relationship with his penis is a religious experience. In Hinduism and certain Buddhist cultures, penises are revered. It is said that touching a penis relic can help fertility. In Bhutan, penises are everywhere – literally everywhere:

 

 However, while the male relationship with his organ can take religious tones, it can also take particularly nasty ones when it comes to the insecurity that men have about their pricks. If you want a guy to lose his cool, insult his penis. The insult to his penis is an insult to his very being as a man. Helen of Troy sparked a major war when she ran off with a Trojan Prince. She was effectively telling her husband, the King of Sparta that she found his P*** less satisfying than the young Trojan prince and that was a reason to go to war. The King of Sparta, who could have had plenty of other women, simply would not take it lying down.

Wars have been fought over the little head on a man’s body and when my favourite sexologist posted an article on Linkedin, I thought I’d try and see if there were a very observations to be made, especially since there was the question of where Singapore was on the map. We are, unfortunately for many of my readers (who are mostly likely to be Singaporean guys), we rank near the bottom of the scale. However, if you want a regional comparison, we, the Singapore men rank as the second largest in Southeast Asia. More importantly, we Singapore men are better hung than our Malaysian Cousins. Only Indonesian men are better hung:

https://www.asiaone.com/singapore/world-penis-size-league-table-ranks-singapore-10th-lowest-guess-where-malaysia

 

Our position on the prick scale has a strange parallel with our attitudes towards the rest of the region. Unfortunately, Indonesian men are on average bigger than us, making us only the second best hung men in the region. If you look at things from a socio-political point, Indonesia is by far and away the largest place in the region and no matter what Singapore does, we’re always going to be smaller than them. Let’s remember, Lee Kuan Yew was very aware than he was “A Dek” (Malay for Younger Brother) in his relationship with Suharto.

However, when it comes to the rest of the region, particularly Malaysia, we’re constantly trying to prove that we’re better. Malaysia had an F1 Race, so we want the world to know that we have bigger and better one. When Malaysia had the audacity to build a port across the water from ours, we started suing shipping companies that decided to dock in Malaysia.

In short (no pun intended), we have what you could call the “small man” syndrome, trying to show that we’re bigger than everyone else. So, I guess our position on the prick league should give us some satisfaction when we compare ourselves to our regional counterparts.

Prick size can become a major election issue. In the 2016 elections in the US, we had the issue of Donald’s Trump’s size. It became a topic that he felt needed to be addressed in public. Then, he decided to call Mexicans rapist even though there has been no proof that Mexicans are more inclined to rape than anyone else. Why would he do that? Well, given his sensitivity to the topic of his manhood……well one might point out that the average Mexican is better hung than the average US citizen. Were the people who supported the view that Mexicans are rapist suffering from a bout of penis envy?

Looking at the prick league can be fun. However, size isn’t the only thing we should be looking at. Should we not be looking at the parallel study of how often we get laid? Unfortunately for Singaporean men, whilst we may be better hung than our ASEAN counterparts, we’ve also hit low fertility rates. Clearly, we’re not getting laid enough and the only thing that our government can point out is that you can have it in small spaces.

In a way, that survey is probably the more important one. There’s no point in having a large one if you don’t use it, which again seems to sum up a lot about our society. We spend ungodly amount of time trying to show they world how large we are, but we the citizens never seem to get to use it.