“CB – Rate me SO low. Think you very handsome ah” – Flesh Ball from the streets of Geylang

 

I’ve just come back from my nightly work out and I was reminded of the time two of my more interesting friends had a dialogue about each other. These two friends were commenting on a lady that I was spending most of a lot of time during that part of my life. One of my guy friends mentioned that the lady in question would be a minus ten on a scale on minus ten to ten. I remember mentioning this to Flesh Ball, who had taken an instant dislike to this lady friend of mine. She then asked – “How did he rate me?” When I told her that she was rated at three, her instant reply was “CB, rate me so low. Think you very handsome ah.”

I bring up this point because it underlines one what I believe is the greatest problem in our current economic system – namely the fact that we produce too many people who believe that business is all about them and their brilliance and everyone around them is supposed to be blown away by their said brilliance. You can always spot these guys (they’re usually are) a mile away. Go to a meeting with them and they’ll insist on taking up all the oxygen talking about all their great things they’ve done without considering whether its relevant to the objective of the meeting.

If you use a dating analogy, you’re talking about one of the biggest turn-offs that woman have listed in survey after survey – a date where the guy spends the entire evening talking about himself and how great he is – hint-hint, you’re lucky to be in my presence. It usually never occurs to these guys that the girl might not exactly agree with them.

One of the biggest faults of this group is the fact that they have a pronounced male fault – namely the fault of expecting every woman around them to look like a Victoria Secret model and to fall instantly in lust with them, without considering if they have anything attractive to offer in return. These are the guys who will start bad mouthing a woman the moment they get rejected. Believe it or not, its not sour grapes in many instances but a genuine shock that they’d get rejected:

 

 You find her attractive. You want to approach her. But remember – copyright Alibaba:

 

 There’s no reason for her to find you attractive if you look like this – copyright Daily Mirror.

Since I don’t have a paper qualification, I don’t know the exact medical term for this but I do know that I’m pointing to something quite common. I guess it’s called the “Me Syndrome” where everything is about me, the talker.

These guys usually have an issue getting laid, even if they’re decent looking and reasonably successful. It never occurs to these guys that they’re turning off the other party when they start rattling on about themselves.

By contrast, one of the most successful “players” that I’ve known (an Algerian guy called Sam that I knew from my student days in London), didn’t have a lot of money, education or great brains. However, he made it a point to listen. His main line was – listen then talk – “She like jock, you also like jock – she hates jocks, you also hate jocks.” Women, as they say, like to feel listened to. On the other side of the equation, I remember a colleague talking about how she felt drawn to a friend of mine. Her underlying point was not so much his “looks” but the fact that she could talk to him. His seduction technique was simple – he listened to her when she talked. The key in this game was he made her feel special.

While none of the players that I know are what you’d call movie star handsome, they all take care of their appearance. Grooming is top class and while they’re not what you’d call gym-rats, none of them are what you’d call the slob in the basement. Players also ensure they have decent enough general knowledge so that they can converse reasonably on a wide range of topics.

What is true in the dating game is also true in the business world. There’s nothing as off putting as a guy who spends the entire meeting sucking up the oxygen talking about his or her skills and how great he or she is. On the other hand, you’re bound to be interested to work with the guy who ask you what your pain points are and how you can solve them.

Making people feel special in a relationship is often the key to success. If you look at successful small businesses in the service sector, you’ll find that one of the keys to success is making the client feel more important than if the client went to a larger competitor. In my personal experience, I made it point to learn how to drop phrases of Hindi into the conversation. My reasoning was simple, most of the guys feeding me were Indian nationals, who had the money to go to a big multinational but went with me (yes, I was cheaper too I considered what I was being paid decent and I had to make them feel special when dealing with me.)

Hans Hofer, founder of Apa Guides, once said that “Business is all about organizing relationships.” Many of us would find it a lot easier if we remembered that relationships involve more than one party.