Small and Hard Beats Big and Floppy

 What is the most important relationship in a man’s life? Some might say its with his mother and others might say its with his father. There are those who would say that most important relationship is with his wife and perhaps his kids. The truth of the matter is, the most relationship a man has is with his penis.

I’m not trying to be crude here. Men have a peculiar relationship with their private parts which women will never understand. To a woman, the vagina is that the physical part of the messy and sometimes painful thing that happens to them once a month. They generally don’t think much of the vagina unless it’s in the troughs of sexual ecstasy or childbirth. When you love a woman, you’re supposed to love all of her and not just her private parts.

Men, by comparison tend to view the penis as an extension of themselves. Think of the penis as “man’s best friend,” or his “little brother” that he has to look after. The penis plays a particularly important role in relationships. Think of the penis as a pet that he’s had for years. You’re expected to love that pet if its ever going to work out.

A man’s self-esteem is also heavily invested in his little brother. The most obvious evidence of this can be seen in the discussion of prick size. As was shown in the 2016 US Presidential election, if you want to really make the male of the species upset – all you have to do is to suggest that their wedding tackle is less than adequate.

Men are often blamed for using the little head to think. However, as Napoleon Hill alluded to best seller, “Think and Grow Rich,” its not necessarily a bad thing. The late Mr. Hill who had interviewed Andrew Carnegie, who was at the time one of main tycoons around, argued that a man’s sex drive provided him with the energy to go out and do the things that he needed to do. There is something to be said for this. If you look at successful men, you’ll notice that they’re usually in their late thirties to early forties when they’ve managed to focus their sexual energies on something other than getting laid and they’re still going as if they were in their twenties.

However, while thinking with your prick can be a good thing if it drives you to get things done, there is a point of overdoing it. My first experience of too much “Prick Think” was back in National Service (for me, it was December 1994 to June 1997) when my artillery batch became the first batch to use the FH 2000, which at the time was the most advanced weapon system available.

What made the FH2000 so special was the fact that it was “The First Ever 52 Caliber 155mm Gun Howitzer” anywhere in the world. It was a good headline that turned on the bureaucrats in the ministry of defense and in our local arms industry (I’m speaking as someone who had to stress that our gun howitzers were “designed and made LOCALLY.”)

There was only one snag with the FH2000. Prick Think was aimed at creating headlines designed to turn on bureaucrats in their airconditioned offices. We, the guys using the gun didn’t quite see it that way. One of the most memorable ones was the fact that you needed a degree to shut the breach after the rounds and charges were loaded – apparently that was an improvement on the gun’s predecessor, the FH88, where the breach slammed shut with a pull of a single leaver. I’m glad to say that this issue was resolved closer to the end of my national service period (nearly a year after the fact)

To be fair to Singapore’s Ministry of Defense, it is not the only organization to be flooded with Prick Think.

I think of the time when someone in our Civil Aviation Authority got turned on by the idea of holding a competition to come up with a name for the budget terminal. Millions were spent holding a competition and, in the end, the grand winner was “The budget terminal.”     

More recently there was the example of how we were being lauded as the example of how to manage the coronavirus. We had seemingly contained the virus without shutting down the economy. It played out in the headlines of the international press. The politicians and bureaucrats got turned on and amidst all the excitement of being lauded as a role model, everybody forgot about our migrant workers and the conditions they were living in. Overnight, daily cases which were being counted in their tens, ended up being counted in the hundreds.

To be fair to bureaucrats, prick think is not limited to government departments. When you’re in the insolvency business, you often run into companies that went under because the CEO got afflicted with Prick Think. – You’d be talking about the leaders who got expansion happy by leveraging their businesses beyond swimming point and would only talk about how big and clever they were but somehow neglected to look at basics like whether they could meet the rent or salaries or post letters in a timely fashion without going into cardiac arrest.

Thinking with your prick isn’t a bad thing if it drives you to get things done. However, as the old adage about penises goes “better to be small and hard than big and floppy.” Size, while impressive isn’t everything. You need to get the basics right. If you can’t get the basics right, what’s the point in being the biggest guy in the room. If you’re small and can get it up, you get laid. If you’re so obsessed with size and preening but you forget the basics, well end up setting yourself up for a nasty fall.