I’m Getting Older – Not Dying

 

Around two months back, I got into an argument with someone whom unknown to me at that time, ended up being someone who would mean something to me. Our argument reached a point where I got so worked up that I felt I needed to physically remove her from the system and so, I ended up trying to pull my body weight until my arms were ready to come off and then I discovered sprinting. Basic premise of sprint training is that you pelt it down as fast as you can for around 20 to 30 seconds, rest for about four minutes and then you repeat for another four to six times (I usually stop at about three).

This was a miraculous discovery. There was something about being able to shut out the world and focusing on that singular goal of getting to the end as quickly as you can push yourself. Your heart-rates goes through the roof as one can see from mine after one session:

 

There’s one downside to the exercise, especially if you’re over 40 – namely the fact that your risk of injury increases. So, the second quarrel with the same person resulted in my hamstring getting inflamed over the weekend.

When I talked about starting sprinting, I suddenly got inundated with advice. A director in the company told me that at “our age, we shouldn’t sprint and just stick with brisk walking.” Several months later, one of my cuddly toys told me “Eh – nearly 50-years old so old, cannot do intense exercise.” Then three nights ago, I met a young man who suggested that I should just do low impact exercises.

All these guys mean well and I know they have my interest at heart. However, when I am told “at your age,” it’s a sign that I better do more of whatever I was doing. Sure, there’s no denying that I am getting older. I’m turning 50 next year and there’s no denying that at 50, the body isn’t what it was at 22. Let’s face it, back in national service, doing chin-ups was standard. These days, I stick with doing sets of “girl-chin and pull ups” (also known as Australian pull ups) and hopefully one day I’ll be able to drag my 90 plus kg up the bar.

However, whilst I am getting older, I’m not dying and if today’s statistics are anything to go by, I’m not likely to die for another 30 odd years. Which means, I need to be in decent enough shape to get through that marathon called life and I don’t want to be a burden on Kiddo. So given that I am an overweight middle-aged man, what can I do but to do the things that will give me that wonderful sensation of looking for someone better hiding inside me. It’s admittedly tough and I usually do this at night when the body is warmed up rather than first thing in the morning where, well, things don’t seem to function quite so well.

Now, what I’m saying about doing an intense exercise can be applied in the job market, where we have a class of people in their late forties and fifties who need to be in the job market to pay off things like mortgages and to get kids through school. The job search is inevitably screwed by the fact that age trumps everything else.

I think of my account manager who is over 60. The man is highly qualified, having once been the financial controller of a huge company. For him, accounting is like drinking water. However, the fact that he knows what he’s doing and doesn’t need to be trained is of secondary concern. The fact is, he’s over 60 and that’s a turn off.

However, the point that many employers forget is that the guy is just over a certain age. He’s not dead and there’s no reason why he can’t be used, especially when he has a record of being very useful.

This should be something that gets looked at. We have an aging population but our costs are rising. These people are still useful and can be utilized. We need to let them pay off their expenses and get by and not treat them like they are dead.

So, what do we need to do? Well, employers need to understand that people are just getting older and not dying. As long as the guy is useful and willing to be useful, the employer should use him or her.

As for those of us over 45, we need to understand that we are just older and not dying. There are ways of surviving beyond the standard nine-to-six gig. We need to understand that we have skills that can be sold and we live in a world where the internet allows to do work across borders. We’re not dead, just older.

I am by no measure of imagination fit. However, I’m still going to push myself ever now and then so that I can be something better. I need a generation of 20-somethings who have grown up sitting behind a desk and never leaving the house to look at me and say “if that geezer can still push himself – why can’t I?” Living like your dying is not an option for yourself or the people who look to you for guidance.   

And You Were Expecting……?

 

Singapore has suddenly become a very interesting place. Singapore’s reporters finally have something that their counterparts in other parts of the world take for granted – things to talk about. Our little island state, which took pride in being squeaky clean to the point of boring now has a host of scandals popping out every so often. So, one has to ask – what on earth is going on?

One of those big scandals evolves around a story on a couple of Chinese nationals getting busted to the tune of a billion dollars. Then men had allegedly used their dubious monies to go on a shopping spree of lots of high-priced real estate and other wonderfully luxurious items. Lots has been said about the case and so I shall leave the details of the case to intelligent people:

https://mothership.sg/2023/08/legal-fees-money-laundering-case/

 

 So, what can I, a mere mortal who doesn’t want to be associated with the intelligent on the island say that hasn’t been said before? Well, I guess the answer is – what else were we expecting? Our entire economic system, which was built on the movement of goods in-and-out of the place has now evolved into becoming about the movement of vast sums of money. If you listen to just about every government proposal around, you’ll notice a common theme – a need for the rich from elsewhere to park their money here. Hence, it’s a badge of pride whenever some billionaire or other moves here. Think of Eduardo Severin, the co-founder of Facebook. Who can honestly say they heard of him? Mark Zukerberg had long since become the face of Facebook, in the way that Lee Kuan Yew had become the face of Singapore until his death. His co-founders were in Silicon Valley speak rather like Singapore’s old guard ministers – sent to retirement to be forgotten.

However, for Eduardo Severin, this all changed when he moved to Singapore. Our media literally could not stop talking about him. The fact that he is in Singapore is newsworthy enough.

He’s only one of the best known to make it to Singapore. He is the living example of how well government policies work. The government argues that we need people like Mr. Severin to come here to spend their billions in order to create good jobs for the locals and any local who dares to have fantasies about making life for the world elite a little more interesting will be dealt with accordingly.

Let’s leave the billionaires aside and look at tourism. Why did we push through the building of two casinos and insist on having the “Only Night Race” here? Answer is simple, we want people with elsewhere with lots of money spending it here.

There’s no doubt that having people spend money there has economic benefits. Even Bhutan, which prides itself in being isolated, invites tourist in because tourist do provide foreign currency to a country to settle its bills. However, there comes a point when the chase for money becomes, well, a little in savoury.

Here’s where Singapore becomes interesting. If you look at the places that a “dubious” when it comes to money (think – most of the Caribbean or the Channel Islands), you can actually have sympathy for these places. Places like the Cayman Islands are literally too small to do much and, in a sense, they can argue that they don’t actually have choice?

Singapore is different. We have a world class port that is at the centre of a dynamic growth region. We have a history of making things, particularly in the electronics industry. Our population is educated. So, do we really need our entire system to be based on the world’s wealthy buying overpriced real estate?

Then there’s the fact that Singapore claims to be ruled by law and “compliance” is supposed to be stringent enough for the Western and Japanese multinationals to feel at home. So, how do we match things like strict adherence to compliance and the need to get as much money in as quickly as possible?

As with anything legal, there is ultimately the question of looking at the letter of the law. As a prominent enough expat banker explained – Singapore likes big sums entering quickly and getting out just before the international bodies start questioning. The banks just take their fees and money is in the economy fine and dandy. So, if you want to look at technicalities, I guess you could say that we play it safe.

However, while we may be clean on the technicalities, it doesn’t mean that we’ve stayed clear of the funny characters (Funny characters can afford lawyers to help them get round the system) and more importantly, has this love of collecting money from the world’s wealthy actually harmed our ability to generate wealth by other means?

After nearly a decade in corporate insolvency, I would argue that we have. If I look at a range of cases that I’ve handled, the landlord is inevitably one of the largest creditors or even the one that wound up the business. Rent is a killer and as one family butchery said “we’re effectively employees of the landlord.” Take our “cultural icon” hawkers, who make a living selling things like kway teow (fried noodles) at $5 a plate and pay rents of $5,000 a month. Ask yourself how many plates do they need to sell just to cover the rent?

That worry only applies to a guy who doesn’t have hot money backing him or her up. Someone who has hot money back merely needs to ensure the money flows through the books. Rents are, well, part of the professional fees. People with hot don’t need to innovate because, well, why should they when they know that the bills will be paid?

We need to relook at our system. Nothing wrong with getting money from elsewhere. However, we cannot be dependent on it. Its like drinking too much. The first bit of booze is fun but when you start to depend on it…..well, lets just say that visiting a hospital are filled with people who got too used to the high brought about by a dependence on booze.

 

Who Can Fall for This?

 One of the biggest issues facing Singapore these days is a proliferation of scams. Although we’re not having babies, we are clearly getting screwed left, right, centre and sideways. Some of the scams are really sophisticated. With today’s technology, its easy for you to fake official documents.

 

 However, while large sophisticate scams make sexy headlines, the truth is that a good number of scams actually involve the telling of impossible tales. I think of a group which asked my small firm if they could liquidate a company. When I interviewed the guy, he said he was told that if he lent the company money, they would lend it to the banks who would then pay a higher interest rate than what they were paying on deposits. The company would then split the difference. I then probed and asked if the company was regulated by the central bank or any other regulatory authority. The answer was no. Made the guy repeat the story several times, where upon he said “that sounds really bad.”

The story on its own would not have been so bad had it been left to the group of professionals who invested. The tragedy was that scam artist managed to get their initial investors to get their elderly relatives to sell their assets to invest. Hence, not only did a group of educated professionals get scammed, a group of pensioners ended up getting screwed too.

Scam artist operate on the same rationale that most businesses run on – which is, why stop it when it’s generating money. So, when you get a call from a US number claiming to be from this or that government agency and wonder “who the hell would fall for this. “– the answer is obviously enough people.

Another example of a scam was best summed up by the Old Rogue (bless his soul). It was called “Buy a job.” The Old Rogue’s idea was simple – pay me a sum of money and then you go out and make us much money as you can. Again, you might ask – who falls for this? The answer as is shown, is obviously plenty of people:

 

 

 

Why do otherwise intelligent people fall for tall tales? I guess the answer is greed and an inability to look beyond the glitz. I’ve had to stress to my mentee on more than one occasion that he needs to look less at the glamorous condos or the flashy cars and how they so and so managed to afford the glamorous condo and/ or the flashy car. As a rule of thumb, scammers know that they have to look good and make it a point to make you think that they are credible. Let’s face it, a man who has the appearance of doing well, always sounds that bit more credible.

So, they key is to never get caught up with the outward appearances of success. So, when you look at a flashy car, ask yourself how it was paid for. Is the person in that flashy car asking you to pay for it?

Maybe some moments weren't so perfect; Maybe some memories not so sweet; But we have to know some bad times; Or our lives are incomplete – Taken from How Does a Moment Last Forever, Sung by Celine Dion

 

A few weeks ago, I had to dress down a young man whom I’ve been trying to mentor. The background was simple. I had received feedback about his inability to file documents. He complained that he was being given “Shit” work and when I asked him what he expected interns to do, his reply was “Go to events and meet big shots.” When I tried to tell him, that interns are not brought to events, he then tried to argue that he was a “special intern” but backed down when it was clear that I was going to do him physical damage for giving me a wimps reply.

I recounted this story to one of my directors, he told me that I was wrong to be upset by this attitude. My director’s point is that interns these days have “expectations” about the work place and I cannot expect them to have the mentality that I had.

Well, here’s the thing, while I did take a knock or two, I don’t think I went through anything particularly harsh. As an intern at Citi, I was didn’t want people to know that I got the job because Daddy played golf with the department VP. Work was not glamorous – spent a lot of time filling out excel spreadsheets and photocopying cheques (this was back in 1999). Yet, I did because, well, I was told this was what I could expect and I was terrified that people would see me as a “rich kid” who got the job because Daddy had a string to pull.

I don’t take the mentality I brought into Citi as an intern to be anything special. When I started work in a small agency, I needed to prove that I got the job and could do the job, even though it was known that my dad had a brand of sorts in the industry.

So, I am aware of expectations. I am aware that coming from a well to do background has advantages. I’m aware that we live in a world where you got to use every advantage that you have, including the ones that you were born into. However, you have to know the limits of those advantages. I find myself telling this young man the same thing I tell my daughter, “Being young and handsome/ pretty can only get you so far.” Sure, good looks make it easier to get your foot into the door – but its not going to keep you there if you don’t do the work.

Yet, my director has a point. I belong to a different era and the kids (my own included) think differently. I can’t expect kids to memorise a phone book because there’s no need to. We all carry handheld computers which make such skills irrelevant.

However, I do believe that there are certain harsh realities that don’t change. One of them is best summed up in the Celine Dion song “How does a moment last forever,” when there is a line about how we need bad times or our lives are incomplete.

I think of that line because there’s a truth there. We’re all happy and friendly to each other in good times but suddenly things change when things get a little rough.

 

 Taken from the movie “Renaissance Man”

Its this simple, my BFFs remain my army mates till this day for a very good reason. These were the guys who were there through some awful times. We got wacked together and we helped each other out. Our memories of the things we went through were far from perfect, which in a way made the bond we formed all that much sweeter.

There is a reason why I am so proud of my days as a freelancer. Sure, I went through the awful experience of working and not getting paid and being in a business and getting jobs done but not getting recognised because I didn’t have “experience.” All these experiences made me a wiser person and although a decade of a steady job has made me financially more secure, I like the person I was much better. That guy had guts and passion. The guy I am today, undoubtedly makes much better decisions.

The memories that are inevitably sweetest came from the most uncomfortable moments. If you ask me where my future lies, its inevitably with the people who are outside my immediate professional sphere. These are the guys who challenge me to grow and even as I approach the half century mark, I know I can’t stop being challenged.

A lot of the young guys don’t see it that way. I had to tell the young man that he’s entering a world where he’s competing against people who are hungry and willing to do what it takes. Nobody is going to care about his family background and that cruising in the comfort zone is a sure-fire recipe to be eaten alive. Before he joined, his Godmother told me not to worry about him. The truth is I am terrified for him and his generation of kids who haven’t quite understood how challenging the world can be and how they need to be prepared to be constantly on their toes.  

Majulah Old Folks

 Its Singapore’s National Day and I usually try to write something about life in Singapore and what it feels like to be a Singaporean. I usually try to avoid going into political grips because its easy and I try not to sound too sentimental. It’s a challenge but I usually get it done.

This year, has been a bit of a challenge. I didn’t want to delve into the recent political scandals because everyone is doing that. Yet, at the same time I don’t want to get into the usual “ra-ra” that comes from the one event where our military actually gets put to use – the parade.

Then by some stroke of luck, I decided to visit a business partner who was working in Chinatown area, selling lifestyle products. Then, on my way back, I got my inspiration. The bus I was going to jump had to let an old Indian man, who was on a scooter, off. The poor guy had a problem stirring his scooter off the bus. What was an interesting about this incident was the fact that there was an old Cantonese man standing next to me, who started making a few uncalled-for remarks about the man’s ethnicity.

However, when it was clear that the old guy was not getting off the bus on his own, the Old Cantonese guy jumped onto the bus and proceeded to help the guy on the scooter off the bus. Managed to get the guy off the bus.

 

This was a reminder of a truism about Singapore, which is the fact that the various communities that make up Singapore, actually got along pretty well. Sure, it was not saintly. People from various communities had nicknames and stereotypes for each other. However, people who lived in the same village always found a way to work together and live in harmony.

However, somewhere along the lines, you had politicians who managed to convince the various communities that they were being screwed over by each other. You then had race riots and tensions, which was then solved by politicians. These politicians would then spend the next five decades reminding us that they had stopped racial tensions and made us happy to live together.

In all fairness to the system, racial relations are generally pretty good. We’ve not had a “Black Lives Matter” type of riot. The politicians make a point that its their policies that made our racial relations so good.

However, as the incident on the bus seemed to say – our old folks were not actually at each other’s throats. They actually knew how to cooperate and work together without the instruction of the government. So, it raises the question – were racial relations actually solved by the politicians or did the politicians create the racial tensions so that they would have a problem to solve? Could the way our old people across the various communities have the answer to how we can improve inter-communal relations and find a way forward for Singapore?

Let’s Get Naked for National Day

 It’s been a funny two months, as funnily enough, very good for the ego. The day I landed back in the UK, I ended up at a function where I was deemed “Good Looking,” by someone whose opinion on the subject matters to me. Weeks later, I found myself in a yoga class where a few people came up to me and asked if I was a fitness instructor because they found I had a “muscular physique.” That phrase would be repeated later on at a client meeting when the client noticed.

I guess you could say that it’s an ego trip. I am now pushing 50 and words like “muscular physique” and “Good Looking” are not phrases associated with men pushing 50 and so I guess one might say that I should just accept the compliments where I can get them.

However, the truth is I don’t feel particularly good looking or muscular, even if at least one of the compliments came from someone I wanted to notice. While I am fitter than I used to, I am well aware that I am far from muscular or good looking. The reason for that comes down to one peculiar quirk of my exercise routine – I’m usually topless when I exercise.

 

 Your own body, as they say, is the one thing that won’t lie to you. So, when people tell me I am good looking or that I have a muscular frame, the belly makes its presence quite clear when I go to work out. So, I am well aware that I am far away from being muscular

I bring up this analogy because tomorrow is Singapore’s National Day and our 58^th birthday comes at a very particular time. Singapore’s formerly “perfect” government has found itself in a rather “imperfect” position. We’ve had a corruption scandal involving a minister and our Speaker of Parliament who was once a prominent star in government had to resign over an affair. Our Prime Minister, who is over 70 and searching for a retirement option has had the unenviable task of explaining how the system is holding strong when a good portion of the public suspect it is falling apart. Our Prime Minister’s Speech on the issue can be seen at:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5LwmjZSWJI

How did this all happen? Why is Singapore’s once famously invulnerable and omnipotent government looking like it has feet of clay?

Well, I would argue that the problem is that the government never got naked and looked at the one thing that would not lie – the body that is the nation of Singapore. Sure, Singapore does compare very well to most parts of the world and everyone who visits inevitably praises Singapore as wonderful place. We have, as our mainstream media has reminded us, have the best airline in the world, the best airport and we’re generally the best of everything, according to the number of international polls.

I think of the people who have praised my physique and I’ve been really thrilled to get that praise. So, I can imagine what our cabinet must be feeling whenever one of the international polls rates something about Singapore amongst the world’s best. However, does the external praise do one any good?

Well, I’m lucky in the sense that the faults of my own body are petty glaring. The tummy (the place where fat is often the most difficult to remove) makes its presence felt. Try as I might, the belly fat remains visible for all, including myself. So, whenever someone tells me I look good, I go back to my basic work out routine and my body has a way of reminding me that I still have plenty of work to do in order to get to where I would like to get before my 50^th birthday.

So, the question is, do our ministers have a “get naked” moment where the one thing that can lie, speaks to them. If you look at Singapore’s institutions, you’ll notice that our ministers have effectively become like a radio station commercial – “Hear only the good stuff.” Let’s face it, our President is supposed to be “independent” but two of the last four have been effectively selected. Our judges have made some good decisions but nobody seriously expects the judiciary to rule against any senior politician. As for our mainstream media editors, well, let’s put it this way, most know who not to offend.

Nobody wants to get naked and look at the body that cannot lie. So, they only hear the good stuff and take it as the gospel truth of how things are. Talk to enough HDB residents and there is inevitably one complaint – the MP only appears during election. So, its this clear that the good stuff that our government has been hearing is not the whole truth. Shouldn’t we use this National Day to get naked to see the real state of our nation?    

Singapore’s First Unsuccessful President.

 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Tang Li and I am here to launch my bid to become President of the Republic of Singapore. I believe that my candidacy for the highest office in the land comes at an important time in our history. I have a purpose and I believe that as President my purpose will help serve Singapore’s interest at this critical juncture.

I am aware that I am going up against the best and the brightest that the nation has to offer. We have two esteemed businessmen and let’s not forget the former Deputy Prime Minister who is recognized in international circles as being a whizz when it comes to economics. So, how can I compare? My opponents have fortunes to speak of, while I struggle to pay my bills. They made policies that affect our lives. I haven’t come close. I’m sure my opponents will point to their vast experience running huge organisations and thus bolster the image that they are better qualified to be the guardian of our reserves.

Believe it or not, I get where they are coming from. How can you trust an unsuccessful man to look after the reserves when he struggles to top his transport card? That’s missing the point. The fact that I have failed in both my personal and professional life is the very reason that you need to vote for me as a president.

When we talk about the Presidency being a symbol, we need to understand that that symbol means. Sure, we want a president who can look dignified when facing the outside world. This is the easy part. The state will see to it that the president will look presentable. I’ve had people tell me I look that much better when I dress up properly.

 

 However, what does the Presidency symbolize to the people of the nation? Is the President like the British monarch, a symbol steeped in fantasy or do we want a president that the average Singaporean can say “Hey, he’s an ordinary dude like me but he made it.”

I like to think that as a national symbol, the President will be someone that can relate to the ordinary Singaporean. Sure, I never ran a S$100 million organization. However, I’ve had to struggle against “foreign competition,” and somehow found a way to make “foreign competition” work for me. I was once homeless, had to stay in a seedy hotel in the seedy part of town.

Sure, everyone notices that my friends include high flying people. However, I also have befriended the likes of construction workers and other blue-collar workers. In culinary terms, I can enjoy wagyu steak but I am also at ease eating with my hands in the company of construction workers who were thrown out of work.

I love my country and my love for the country is not a transaction. My country has not always been good to me and yet, I stay struggling on the continuous efforts to build a life. My country has its faults, yet I love my country warts an all. You need a president who represents the nation as it is and not what an elite living in a bubble would like you to think it is. Vote for a president who understands your struggles.

Recognizing Your Own Kind

 

I’ve never been much of a salesperson. My main issue is the fact that I grew up in a family that took pride in being “professional middle-class” and the “sales” was regarded as something that was a little less than classy. I was told that I was the “academic” one in the family that was my destiny to do things that required great thought rather than “sales.” My Dad’s biggest panic moments in my professional development was the time I told I was going to sell ads for the Old Rogue. In his words, “Space salesmen were the type of people ran away from.”

My aversion to selling meant that while I was good at telling stories, I never quite had that instinct to “close” deals. It even went into my personal life, where I often quip that I was always a nice guy whom lots of women wanted as a friend or future husband but few were drying to jump into bed with me. Couldn’t close the deal so to speak.

The aversion to “selling,” kind of ended when I started working. I was the guy who couldn’t hold a steady job in an PR agency, which was where everyone said my talents were. So, since I couldn’t hold a job, I had to look for my own jobs and somehow, with no brand name to speak of and no “agency” experience, I had to convince people to hire me. It wasn’t just a case of doing the job (which is what most employees do), I actually had to get the job and ensure that I got paid.

So, I had to avoid the aversion to sales and actually sell myself well enough. I’m still not a great salesman but the experience of having to hustle for around a decade of my working life made me appreciate certain things that I probably would not have had, had I had the conventional more academic career that everything thought I would have.

I appreciate hustlers. I will even go so far as to say that my sympathies are with people on the streets rather than with people in offices. I think of it as the difference between being a wife and a prostitute. The wife has one man who is in theory obliged to look after her. It’s a more “respectable” and more “secure” path. Some of the most well to do that I know have been good and “loyal” wives to their employers.

Being a prostitute is a different story. It’s in a way, the rougher life because you understand that you our only looked after if the client is pleased and you are only valued as long as you are useful. As such, your mindset changes because the guy is feeding you today may stop feeding you on a whim during the next. You have to learn to be self-reliant and always have something on the side because you could be thrown out on the street the next day. In this situation you have to consistently manage relationships well because today’s enemy could be the person feeding you tomorrow.

Constant selling is essential if you want to live the life of a prostitute. You need to be sharper than the wives about who you trust and who you don’t. Its easy to get f***** without getting paid, so you got to know what you are doing when you live off the streets. These days, when I go into meetings, I do things like observe non-verbal ques and I try to identify decision makers because I came from the “prostitute” path where doing such things was an essential part of life.

Now, one of the most essential parts of being a prostitute if that you got to have the ability to recognize your own kind. The reason for this is simple, if you’re both selling the same products, you’re not going to be able to sell to each other and you may end up becoming very bitter competitors for the same target.

This was a lesson that I was trying to get though to my newest trainee. Told him to take advantage of his good looks and youth. He then proceeded to tell me that I was also good looking in a different way (him being pretty and me being rugged) too. Had to tell him that what worked for his previous boss (a good wife to all her employers) wasn’t going to work with me. I’ve had to hustle and I recognize the signs of someone trying to hustle me.

However, I know where he’s coming from and I’ve told him that we can work around things. I see where he’s coming from and I probably would have tried the same in his position.

I think of the time the Old Rogue met Pam (an older black woman I was seeing). They “fell in love.” She waxed lyrical about how he was sweet old timer. He declared that she shouldn’t teach art – she was a “work of art.” Yet, they never worked together. Proposed that Pam work for him selling ads for his magazine. His instant reaction was “I don’t think Indian and Chinese school owners would take too kindly to a black woman visiting them.”

How did two people who professed love for each other not work together? The answer was simple. They recognized they were the same kind and knew that they’d react in certain situations and so they avoided any possibility of getting into awful situations.

If there’s anything that I hope this young man gains from working with us, it is the ability to recognize people who share his outlook and approach to life. It will, I believe save him a lot of grief in later life.   

The Letter and the Spirit

 The young man whom we took on about a month back got himself taken to a meeting where the topic of discussion was over an investigation into what was a scam. When I asked him how he felt about attending a “serious” meeting, he remarked that he was finally learning how the world really worked. He said “I now get what you mean when you say that what looks nice on the outside actually isn’t.”

I’m glad he picked that up. I guess I am used to it or perhaps I just grew up cynical but too many of us in modern societies get a little a bit too obsessed with things that look good on the outside but aren’t really. Doing litigation PR was a good eye opener into how respectable wasn’t actually that. Being in corporate insolvency confirmed things. It gets even more so when you live in “status” obsessed Asia, where grandparents fight over who has to be most “respectable” grand kid, which often means which kid works in the most “prestigious job.”

We get so carried away by the veneer of respectability that we forget what it actually looks like. Singapore is especially prone to this disease. We’ve been trained to look upon to anyone in a profession and make the assumption that anyone who qualifies for the professional license has a certain level of moral integrity that mere mortals are not capable of.

However, as Don Corleone in the Godfather series states “A lawyer with a brief case steal’s more than a gangster with a gun.” A gangster with a gun can only grab so much cash when he (usually are) is robbing a bank. In the process of committing a robbery, the gangster faces risks of having the full wrath of the law coming down upon him.

The lawyer by contrast can steal with no risk. Take the basic way in which lawyers make money – time costs. In Singapore, the cheap lawyers start around S$500 an hour. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that anyone who is paid like this, has no incentive to actually solve problems in an efficient way. If anything, the lawyer is incentivized to, well, ensure that the molehill you had is bigger than Everest.

Yet, this method of payment is called “professional” and “respectable.” The time that lawyers and other professionals “sell” is supposed to be valuable, though how exactly it solves the original problem in the first place is questionable. Making professionals accountable by allowing for and encouraging “results” payments get frowned upon and as around 2021, charging on a results basis or contingency fees is generally not allowed in Singapore’s professional service industry.

One of the most ridiculous examples of “respectable” thievery came in a judicial management situation where the judge had no issue with the lawyer and liquidator charging on a “time-cost” basis but found the auctioneer’s costs prohibitively expensive because the auctioneer had the audacity to charge for results (a percentage of what he sold). Of the three, the auctioneer was the only one who could actually demonstrate the value of his services in actual dollars and cents but apparently that was not considered “professional” or respectable.”

Then, there is the example of “Shell Companies,” which are set up for various purposes. In many cases, such companies are set up with the purpose of minimizing taxes, which is not moral and or even illegal in itself.

However, Shell Companies have become what you could call the difference between what is legal (the letter of the book) and justice (the spirit of the book). There is nothing intrinsically wrong with setting up a shell company. In fact, it is perfectly legal to do so.

However, the question then becomes, the purpose of the said company. I remember being hired to handle the potential media fall out of the Zim Integrated Shipping trial in 2010. This was a case of following the money – except the money was flowing through one end and coming out at another through a web of shell companies. My client, who was the lawyer representing Zim had to concede that he lost to a “master swordsman.” Yes, things looked dodgy but they weren’t illegal.

 

 Years later, I would find myself on the side of someone who enjoyed setting up companies across the Caribbean. He wouldn’t own his own life insurance policy under his own name. Had to be done under a shell company. Again, there was nothing illegal about what the guy was going. There was a paper trail to account for things.

When people talk about being “by the book,” they’re talking about adherence to the letter of the laws. The argument is about being “prim and proper.” However, after nearly a decade of being in corporate insolvency, one gets to see how the letters of the law get abused. As such, we need to look at the “spirit” of the law and whether a person adheres to the spirit. What is legal may not necessarily be just and we need to understand that bad people get off because they haven’t broken the letters. What we need to ask is if these people have infringed on the spirit if we are to judge them accurately for they are.  

The Value of Dreams

 I’ve just told a young man whom I’ve been working with to pursue his dream of becoming a pilot. On the whole, he’s been a decent enough worker who has done what’s been asked of him. However, the only time he seems to come alive is when he talks about being a pilot. He’s learnt the various call signs and radio signals involved in the process. Yet, somehow, he’s never made it close to flying school.

So, when I look at him, I get frightened for him. He’s going to be a good boy who does as he’s told and take the safe route, which in the Singapore context means getting a good degree and working in a safe and predictable office job, which in itself is not wrong, but when I look at him and he admits to me that dealing with files is simply not his thing. While some parts of the investigation work in forensic accounting excites him, its clear that he doesn’t have it in him to be a lawyer or a financier.

I’ve told him that getting a decent degree is nonnegotiable in the modern world. He cannot neglect his studies. I’ve also told him to keep with the job that he has with us, as he builds his finances, as flight school is not cheap. However, he needs to give his heart and soul into trying to get into an airline that will give him the chance that he needs to prove himself. Have also stressed to him that SIA isn’t the only airline on the planet and he should knock on every door available to him until he gets behind a cockpit.

 

He's trusted me and called me a “father-figure,” which is something that I cannot in all good conscience take lightly. I guess I am officially a “terrible-parent-figure” by telling him to chase his dreams. However, what’s the alternative? To push him into something that he has no heart to do? Sure, there’s a good chance that he may not achieve his dream – but he needs to give it his best shot. Think of it, way too many of us end up becoming old and bitter people because of all the things we loved and dreamed about but never gave it a shot because it was the risky option.

Seriously, at the end of the day, what’s going to matter. In the end, Steve Jobs said it best – “There’s no point being the richest man in the cemetery.” Since, all of us are going to end up in the same place, we should make the journey the best possible one. So, as an older person, I believe I need to encourage young kids to follow their dreams. Sure, an element of practicality needs to be involved. After all, we all need to earn a living. However, there’s no point in being a slave to your living if it kills you to do it. Best to pursue the dream and even if you don’t “make it,” there are ways of modifying that dream. Heck, I grew up in the advertising industry, which is staffed by people who would have loved to be in creative arts (movies) but found alternative ways of making a living doing what they loved. Thanks, to AI, the presence of machines in the work place is only going to grow. There is no way you can be more of a machine than the machines, so all of us need to play to our strengths and bring the passion to our jobs in the way that only being human can.

Where Did the Local Heroes Go?

 

Around two months ago, I got invited to a Stand-Up Comedy show hosted by the Association of Comic Artist (Singapore). The acts were great fun and it was an eye opener into a side of Singapore that few get to see.

At the end of this event, the President of the Association, who is a British chap of Barbadian decent, and calls himself, “Singapore’s First Black President,” proceeded to distribute comic books that he and his team had come up with. These were locally made comics, created around Singaporean heroes. I have to admit that I’ve yet to go through the comics and thus cannot comment of what the comics are like. However, whilst I have not read the comics, I appreciate the irony of the situation. Here we have a group of comic heroes designed around Singapore and Singapore’s culture that were designed by someone born outside of Singapore.

 

 

 So, here’s the question – what has happened to Singapore’s heroes? Not only do we not produce heroes in real life, we can’t even produce them in fiction. In real life, we’re told that Singapore needs people from elsewhere to do things for us. You need economic growth; the solution is simple – invite the world’s richest to buy overpriced housing in Singapore. If you want innovation, invite a world-famous scientist to set up a lab here. The solution to just about every problem in Singapore is based on getting someone from somewhere else to come up with a solution. What is true in the “real” world is also true in the world of fiction. We know all the heroes of the DC and Marvel Universe like Superman and Spiderman but, until I met the chaps at the Association of Comic Artist (Singapore), there was no evidence of a local Singapore comic hero.

Seriously, just walk into any given bookshop and you’ll find that the only hero that is allowed to exist in Singapore is Lee Kuan Yew. To his credit, the late Mr. Lee was a very special man who, like him or loath him, led a team that made Singapore a text book case study of how to build up a nation with not very much. However, it’s been 23-years since he stepped down as Prime Minister and eight-years since he died and the he remains the only Singaporean that we’re allowed to hero worship and turn into a cartoon.

While Singapore does measure up pretty well against most places, we desperately need heroes. Our fabulously famous government is showing signs of getting creaky. I mean, we actually have a minister who is being investigated for corruption. The people whom we were trained to look up to, are looking, well rather less shiny.

So, its time for a Singapore to get a new set of heroes, even if they are the comic book variety. Heroes in fiction have a way of inspiring heroes in real life. We need to make that mental leap into trying to be our own heroes rather than waiting for heroes from elsewhere to solve our problems for us. This is not to say we are closed to the outside world. It just means that we face the outside world like adults who can manage on our own without a crutch mentality that states that only people from elsewhere and politicians are the solutions to everything.

 

Let it Go

 

Managed to get a young man who I’ve been trying to guide along his path replace me in a meeting. I’ve been overcome with this strange emotion of satisfaction that after the second week on the job, he’s actually being allowed to do things without me and more importantly, he’s going to develop the confidence to it.

As I reflect on the emotions of this moment, I realise that a lot of significant moments in life come at a point of letting go of certain relationships so that they can develop. As parents, we need to let our kids go and become the adults that they were meant to be. As mentors, we need to let our mentees go and be their own people.

If I look at my own experiences, one of the most significant moments in my life was from a conversation I had with my Dad, when I told him I volunteered for a live-firing exercise in the aftermath of exercise Swift Lion (here’s the MINDEF Press Release of that awful day - https://www.nas.gov.sg/archivesonline/data/pdfdoc/MINDEF_19970628001.pdf ). I told him that I was going and he said that he wasn’t happy about it (at the time, the possibility of coming home in a body bag remained very present). Then, he said “Talk about it with your mum. If you still want to go, I will support your decision no matter what happens.”

This was the moment that I’ve felt closest to my dad as in he really showed me one of the most important aspects of being a parent – letting go. Dad has done many things for me. I’ve lived well and been educated at his expense. However, all the money he had spent on my schooling and was about to spend and all the luxuries I had enjoyed because of him didn’t mean as much to me as the fact that he was prepared to respect a decision of mine even if he was unhappy with it.

Other significant moment came from letting go. In my professional life, the first instance came when my business partner at the time didn’t want to do the Polaris (now known as Intellect Design). He felt that there were too many risks involved because the deadlines were close. I chose to hang on and somehow despite everything I was telling the client about the very real chances of failure, the job proved to be a success and Polaris had a way of keeping me alive for a few years. Not only did I get work from them, but I made good friends and that opened the door to other parts of the Indian Expat community and to two of the three career highlights (the IIT and IIM Alumni events in 2012 and 2013).

The other great career highlight came in 2006, when I was a freelancer pitching for the Saudi Embassy job with BANG PR, which was helmed by PN Balji, who had been for the better part of the time, the father of my profession of being a commentary writer and a PR consultant. It reached a stage, where Balji dropped out of the job and I became the only contractor. This was my opportunity to shine and by some fluke, me, with no real “experience” to speak of, managed a job traditionally reserved for government-to-government agencies.

These experiences have made me understand that quite often, the people who limit us are not the people who dislike or even hate us. It’s the people who love us that harm us by not letting us grow.

Think of parents who expect their grown children to report every detail of their life to them and still expect to have a say in what their adult children do. It also goes on in the professional world, where you have bosses who remind their employees that “If you didn’t work for me, you won’t survive.”

This type of thinking is suffocating. It doesn’t allow for growth. A good parent will always want his or her kids to be able to survive without him or her. A good boss will ensure that the employees can survive without being employed by his or her organization. As Richard Branson argues, when you train your people so that they can leave, they won’t.

Too many of us continue to struggle for relevance without realizing that we only become relevant to people when we allow them to be irrelevant in their lives.

Daddy Management

 

One of the most prominent moments of the last week was getting in a screaming row over the phone with the godmother of a young man that we had just hired. She got the message that we were overworking him when she had told him to focus on his studies. The upshot of this argument was that we started behaving like divorced parents arguing over a kid. I called her an overbearing mother and she accused me of being an overbearing father. Then, temperatures cooled and we tried to reconcile, she asked me not to use words like Mummy and Daddy in relation to work colleagues because she felt the parental adjectives were “creepy.”

While I’ve agreed with her not to use such adjectives in order to stay in a good place with her, I actually have a different perspective. She’s never been a parent but I have (and still am). I’ve realized that the experience of being a parent to a young adult is good grounding when it comes to the area of managing young adults (anyone over 21) in the work place. Kiddo, was probably one of the best teachers I could ever have.

The first point that needs to be made is that being a parent is an emotionally challenging job. It’s a case of taking on obligation to care for another human being and as my mother said when I told her that I got Gina pregnant – “It’s a lifelong job – you don’t stop being a parent because a kid reaches a certain age.” So, when you take on a parental role, the role will involve taking on all sorts of obligations and how well or poorly you did depend on what that someone else has become.

However, while the job comes with obligations, there is a small catch. The person that you take responsibility for won’t listen to you, thinks you’re a dinosaur and suspects that the best thing they can possibly do for themselves is to do the opposite of whatever you tell them to do.

This combination makes the job frustrating. It’s a job requirement to except that you will inevitably be disappointed but at the same time you will have to respect their decision because its their life and their decision to make.

The room for maneuver when guiding young adults is narrow. There are really only two things you can do. Firstly, you got understand that you are dealing with a grown man or a grown woman and not a small kid. Grown men and women expect a certain amount of respect as intelligent beings. The days when you could say that “I am your father/mother and I know best” will not wash.

So, it helps when you sit down with them and explain the rationale of your instructions to them. It’s up to you as an older and wiser person to respect that the person you are talking to is an adult. If that said young adult ask you about the question about the rationale behind your instructions, explain it to them. Respect their ability to figure things out and they will inevitably respect that you may now a thing or two more than them.

The second and more vital point about being a parent of a young adult that is especially applicable in the work place is the fact that young adults can be fairly observant and the old fashioned “I’m the boss” goes down as well as “I’m your parent.” Sure, they can accept that certain things might be different for the boss, but ultimately what they look to is you as an example. You need to be aware that they’re watching you and wondering if they want to be you when they get to your stage in life. So, the challenge for anyone managing young adults is this – what you say to them, is in many ways, not as important as what you show them. This requires stepping up your game. I mean, I never held a steady job for long. Then Kiddo came into my life and suddenly I became aware that what I did was probably going to shape her views on men. As such, I had to work, not so much because I needed to go towards household expenses but because in my mind, I wanted her to see a man go out and work and to be able to pay bills. I am glad to say that the two serious relationships that I’ve seen her in were with two guys who went to work and did what decent men do when it comes to taking care of the family

Parenthood is a tough and demanding job. You could say that your management style needs to change on the job to suite the needs and the times. What you do as a parent is actually good training for you as a supervisor and as a person.

Delicious Directions

 I started blogging in 2006. You could say that this was the most successful year that I’ve ever had, both from a personal and professional point of view. The highlight of that year being hired by the Saudi Embassy to assist for the visit of the late Crown Prince Sultan to Singapore and of course, this was the year I met Kiddo who was then seven, and I suddenly discovered what it was like to live for something greater than myself.

Blogging was an in-between gig. I was writing and getting published by the Today Newspaper and the Straits Times Forum. However, there were times when what I wrote didn’t get published and so I needed a place where I could place the unpublished. So, this was the rationale behind blogging.

However, as things developed, I found that people were actually visiting my little corner of cyberspace and clients would actually tell me that they enjoyed reading what I had written. The coin did drop that I might have something on my hands. So, I continued to rant and rave about this and that. Reached a stage where I had the audacity to imagine that I could earn something from it and so, I added a Google Adsense account and continued raving away in the hope that I might eventually ditch the day job.

Continued blogging to an extent where I got warned by my own father about annoying the government. I was clearly not a good listener and continued until fourteen-years after I started, I ended up agreeing to let both TREmeritus and Independent Singapore pick up my pieces.  Traffic grew and I guess last year was a significant enough year when I actually had someone complain to IMDA about me. Traffic grew and I believe June 2023 proved to be a freakishly good month in terms of the traffic growth:

 

 So, having reached a stage where I was getting lucky consistently with getting eye balls onto my section of cyberspace (notice I only talked about traffic – not money), I guess the question was what else was there for me other than to continue ranting and raving in cyberspace.

What does one do when all you have to show for is your ranting? I guess the answer is to continue ranting in cyberspace but in a more focused manner. The “Beautifully Incoherent,” brand was just that. I just ranted and raved on anything under the sun – on topics that irked me enough to write. So, the question was then moved to what I could I possibly rant and rave about in a focused manner.

The question inevitably led to food. At the age of 38, I took up part-time job in the restaurant to supplement my income from freelance consultancy. It turned out I was actually pretty good at serving and selling food and drink. Didn’t seem to be able to anything else but I managed to move good food. The reason was that I tasted everything that came in and out of the kitchen and knew what I wanted to share with the world.

To confirm that the Bistrot was not a fluke, I managed to do the same in Vietnamese restaurant, which would later reinvent itself into a Korean restaurant. Restaurants provided me with an insight how the world ticked.

My second piece of good fortune was to meet an extraordinary person called Genia. We met at my day-job anniversary function. Didn’t really speak to her much but many months latter she asked me out for a drink. There we were in a bar and then she pulled her phone and showed me a treasure of food places. Then it occurred to me that we shared was a love of a meal and if we could combine my ability to rant and familiarity with the ins and outs of a restaurant with her connections into the world of foodies, we could actually come up with something pretty interesting.

So, the two of us have come together to start a blog which tell the story of the Yummy stuff in the world. Since both of us are born in the Chinese Year of the Tiger, the name of the Blog is called Chubby Tigers Yummy Finders. We want to be the place where you meet all elements of Yummy. We want to talk to the personalities, visit the places and of course, bring you the dishes that make the experience a Yummy one.

 

 

 Chubby Tigers Finding Yummy (Tang Li at 123 Zo and Genia Wee at Bruno’s Bistrot)

The of the blog is https://chubbytigersyummyfinders.blogspot.com/. As of now, its an empty space but like all good works, it will be layered and enrichened as we talk about the Yummy places in Singapore and beyond. We’ve already set up accounts on Facebook and Instagram, and we would welcome you to be friends and followers on the respective platforms. We want to work with restaurants and food outlets to help your business grow by sharing the Yummy that you produce.

In my personal capacity, I will continue to rant and rave over here on the socio-political issues that have been my passion for so many years. However, I would really appreciate if you could also support me and Genia on the Chubby Tigers platform. Both Genia and I are open to working with people who have a passion for the Yummy and if you want to sit down and discuss Yummy places, please email us at chubbytigersyummyfinders@gmail.com. We look forward to seeing you on our Chubby Tigers platform soon.

The Force that Makes Us

 

Today the Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) celebrated “SAF Day,” a day in which the men and women of in the Armed Forces dedicated their loyalty to the nation. Back in the days of service, SAF Day was probably the biggest point of division between the official and the real. As a member of the SAF, it was an exceedingly important part of our calendar. There was always a parade (attended by the President) and lots of promotions. It was the time when “best units” were announced and that got senior management very excited. However, we on the ground level didn’t really care much for SAF Day for a simple reason – there was no public holiday attached to it.

Having said what I’ve just said about SAF Day, I’ve actually become fervent believer in the SAF or at least the institution of National Service. I’ll never tire of saying it, the most “educational” part of my life was in the two and half years of national service. Sure, I have a degree from a respectable college but to me, what is important is not the paper but the process of getting that paper and the truth is, university was a wonderful party but exposed me to very little beyond academia.

The army, by contrast, opened up a world that I never realized existed. Suddenly I had to get on with people who thought I lived in a bubble for the simple reason that my official address at the time did not start with “Blk….” I was effectively an outcast but at the same time I found the guys who would become my brothers from different mothers. The army was, I believe the first time in my life that I actually achieved things that were not bought for me or things that I was guided into. My father will probably vomit if he read this but the first time, I got my chin up the bar felt more like an achievement than getting my degree.

In a world where kids are increasingly sheltered from the world outside their own bubble, National Service has become even more valuable. The computer game generation needs to understand that life, especially in war, is brutal and nasty. People often forget that you actually have to be uncomfortable in order to change and adapt. Its one thing to be able to fly up a low wall on a computer graphic. It’s another story when you’re carrying your webbing and just dashed 700 metres before you physically scale the wall. That experience humbles you because you realise that the task is real and it requires something within you in order to get done.

Its very clear that the SAF has a mission to be able to defend Singapore from any external threat. It’s something which has never been tested. However, that doesn’t mean the SAF is redundant. If anything, modern life has made the SAF more relevant in its role of making the youth of Singapore discover the realities of life, of living life beyond that bubble that we’ve been led to believe is a natural state. For all that I might have complained about being in the SAF, I’m grateful to the institution and the people there who made me.