The Director of Por Lampa Services

 Many years ago, my mentor, “PN Balji,” once alerted me to the fact that he had written an article. The company I was with at the time, had told me, “He wants to be buttered up, so call him.” So, I read the article and then called him to say “I really liked your article.” The reply was “What did you like about my article.”

I remember this story because its one of the greatest lessons that anyone who moves up in life needs to learn – “Praise is often meaningless, unless the one giving the praise is giving it for a specific reason.”

Here’s the thing, many of us are worried about being “talked about.” We’re especially worried that people will be “talking bad” about us and having a good bitch. I remember someone once threatened me with “I’ll talk bad about you,” and I just thought, “sure, who haven’t you talked bad about?” If you’ve moved anywhere in life beyond snail, chances are people will have something to say about you and more often than not it’s going to be negative. Sure, there’s a chance that what they’re saying has truth to it but then there’s a chance that you’ve become an important person in their life.

Being talked about in a negative way is part and parcel of life. Sure, most of us don’t like the negative stuff about us but sometimes it can actually be helpful. I used to remember the comments about me on TRE – where I was accused of giving head around the ruling party and had huge condominiums in Sentosa Cove. Unfortunately, I’m still looking for a broom space in an HDB flat, so I’m not sure where those Sentosa Cove properties are.

While nobody likes hearing the “negative” news, the good stuff can be more dangerous. Let’s start with the obvious – we all like the good things said about us because, well, who doesn’t like hearing the good stuff? It’s like food – the modern problem is no longer starvation but obesity and diabetes. Why? There is no longer an absence of food (let alone tasty food), but an abundance of it. Who actually wants to count calories of that chocolate chip cookie and cream flavoured cake?

So, just as we tend to give into temptation to take that slice of cookie and cream cake, we tend to place ourselves in echo chambers where people will tell us the things that we want to hear. While praise is addictive as chocolate cake, it comes with its own costs, only its not calories affecting your mid-section but distorting your brain where you think you’re God’s gift to the world. The problem that most of us have is that we’re not actually god’s gift to anything in particular and our judgement gets skewered towards what we want rather than what we need.

One of the funniest ones I’ve had was talking to an ex-colleague about how the boss never hired a “hunky” looking guy. Suddenly I heard a soft little voice saying “except you.” My reaction was “what the hell – what would you know – you’re taste in men is fat.” My sister had to remind me that “hunky” was not a word associated with men over 40, I should just be grateful that someone gave an indication that I matched the word.

Here's the reality, whilst I don’t look that “unpresentable” I mean, I am by no means as “interesting” looking as this guy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-CaC_43cZI

 

 However, I am not exactly anyone’s great definition of a male model. I definitely would get rejected if I tried to applied to join this particular team:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjUDRetIuRA

 

 The truth is, I am just a simple 51-year-old with a diabetic dad-bod trying to ensure that I am as functional for as long as the body allows. Physical training is non-negotiable not because it makes me better looking but because it stops the metabolic condition from affecting my ability to earn a living and minimizes my need to take pills.

Everything is relative and whilst praise is nice to listen to, I tend to look at who is doing the praising. The Neurotic Angel once dubbed me her “Macho-Man,” and had praised my ability to jump. I felt chuffed when she called me “Macho” and “Hunky.” Then, since she was supposed to meet my mother, I thought, “Oh dear, if she announces that, my mum will think she’s got a weakness for effeminate ones if I’m the standard of high testosterone.” Had a similar experience recently when someone I do find attractive, let slip that she finds me attractive.” Sure, it’s nice to know but let’s put things into perspective, most of the guys she hangs out with are grandfather age.  

Sure, I like being told I am physically attractive. However, I can’t let that get to me and become lazy about training. That’s the surest way to become the old, broke and sick. The same is true in an organization when the guy on top only promotes those who tell him what he wants to hear. Jobs no longer become about who can actually do the job but who can “suck up.” The worst case is when you punish people who tell you ground realities. If you create a culture where you cannot listen to critics within your team, how the hell do you expect to produce stuff that dazzles customers all the time? Sure, sugar plum cakes taste wonderful and sure, exercise can be painful but you believe that sugar plum cake gives you everything you need and exercise is evil, should you be surprised when you lose the ability to get out of bed?