I was at a business dinner last night where I had the
strange fortune of being able to sit next to a very attractive young lady. The
lady in question was exceedingly well groomed (tight skirt, heels etc but not
in a cheap tacky way) and more importantly, she somehow dropped enough hints
that she found me relatively interesting too. It looked like a perfect evening
and then I pushed for the most crucial question – how old are you? She turned
out to be 27 and that killed the fantasy.
I bring up that topic because the topic of what constitutes “appropriate”
behavior in the sexual sphere has become a hot talking point, thanks to a case
of peeping toms in the National University of Singapore. What do we consider “appropriate”
behavior when it comes to boy-girl relationships?
Like all heterosexual men, I like the act of sex and I like
looking at beautiful and shapely women. I’ve said that the biggest perk I have with
my job in the Central Business District is the fact that there’s plenty of “eye-candy”
– namely young, good looking things, dressed in short tight skirts and high
heels. I’m also going to ad in my defense, that its perfectly normal for older
men to find younger women attractive and in the case of the young lady – 27 is
an age where the lady in question is actually a woman in mind as well as in
body – hence, finding someone that attractive is not pedophilia. In all honesty
I wasn’t bothered that I found the young lady in question.
However, after the evening was over and I thought things
through, I was a little bothered by this. I was actually bothered that I wasn’t
bothered at all about finding someone that much younger attractive. While 27 is
a perfectly respectable age and I wouldn’t be the first 44-year-old man to find
a 27-year old attractive, I can’t help but think that there’s something not
quite right. She’s the same age as my youngest brother, Christopher, who I
cannot help but think of as a cute little baby that I used to call “Fat-Wat.”
(For the record, Christopher is known in my social circles as “That Good looking
guy,” or as one of my colleagues in the night job said “fucking handsome.”)
History and sociology have made it acceptable for older men
to have younger women – a clear trade off between his power and status and her
fertility. Men, as they say, gain respect when they have young things attracted
to them. Women by contrast get a lot of flack when they go for young studs. One
only has to look at the fact that the 24-year age gap between Donald and
Melania isn’t the issue that it is between Emanuel and Bridgette.
Yet, and yet, when I think of the people, I know at that age
it feels strange to think of them in that way. It took a while for me to accept
that I wasn’t a pedophile when I started going out with girls who were 5-years
younger – I remember Tara as a baby and her friends were cute little things too.
However, they grew into full grown women and I couldn’t help but notice a few
of them (In my sister’s words – “I saw the way you looked at her – disgusting.”)
I ended up having a pretty intense relationship with someone that much younger
than me.
It’s funny how nature works. I remember little Jenny noticing
how I looked at a family friend. She said, “You F*** don’t you? Please …….she’s
old enough to your daughter…..gross.” So, here’s the rub – as men, we may have
our urges but we also have our roles as fathers and protectors and ultimately,
the later role should prevail. Sexual urges come and go but being a dad to a
sprightly young woman last.
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