I recently took a personality test, which effectively said that I like peace in my life and often try to be a peace maker. I accept that this is probably accurate. I don’t like getting into fights and generally think that most things are simply not worth getting into a scrap for.
It’s not that I
haven’t been in fights before. Had my share of school yard scraps and there
have been so many times that I’ve actually played out how I could inflict maximum
damage in my daily dealings should I ever be driven to it. Still, I resist the
urge to escalate things because, well it’s not worth it.
Anyone who has
ever been into a fight, understands that both sides get hurt and when you enter
a fight, you need to have an end goal in mind as well as a clear understanding
of your strengths and weaknesses. Ironically, my last “real” physical
confrontation was with my ex-wife. Although I’m physically stronger, I was reminded
on more than one occasion that I would lose if I returned violence with
violence. So, I took legal advice, allowed her to hit me and got the protection
order. My end goal in that confrontation was simple, I wanted the violence to
stop and when it was clear that the protection order would mean the end of the
marriage, I allowed her to initiate the divorce proceedings, not so much for
her but for my in-laws who had lost face because I took her to court.
Entering a confrontation
requires a certain mindset and you need to know what you want out of that
confrontation. Once you know what you want, you then work out how you beat the
other guy. Say what you like about Iron Mike Tyson who ended most of his fights
in seconds. Actual fights should be counted in seconds. Fights that go on for
hours with the protagonist beating the life out of each other is best left for
movies. Its this simple, the result of a fight should be to ensure the other
fellow can do you no harm while you minimise damage to yourself.
However, sizing
up the opposition is not an easy game and its usually best to avoid confrontations,
particularly of the physical variety, and to work round things. Why do you need
to hurt or risk getting hurt if you can get the same thing in a different
manner. As much as I am trying to exercise, I get that I’m pushing 50 and the
body isn’t designed to do what it used to do, so I got to think of ways to get
things done with minimal damage to myself.
Realising that getting
into fights is a painful and damaging experience also gives me an allergy to
people who talk about fighting and getting into fights as if it were a sport. One
of the reasons why I try to avoid such people is that they forget that fights
are easy to start but finishing them is a different story.
Why should one
have an allergy to such people? The answer is simple, the fight was started as
an ego boost with no end goal in sight and the only thing standing between these
people and the fist of the person they’ve provoked is a bystander – notably you
if you happen to be around.
As I’ve said
earlier, there are very few things worth getting into a scrap over. Someone
else’s need to prove themselves is definitely not one of them. School yard
bullies trying to prove they have the stones have a hidden talent, they have wings,
which didn’t grow with Red Bull but with the realisation that the other guy can
hit back. Suddenly the guys who never went into the field during national service
will discover the ability to camouflage themselves better than a chameleon.
Its always best
to live humbly. You never know who you may face. Be prepared to fight for the
things that you need to fight for but don’t get into fights for the sake of it.
Life’s too short to waste energy on dealing with unnecessary pain and should be
saved for the things that actually bring joy to you.
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