One of my former juniors from my last PR agency job just had unpleasant evening at a
restaurant that’s owned by a friend mind. He has come out to state that not
only was the food and service at a sub-par level, the manager was insensitive
to feedback that he provided.
Unfortunately
for him, the manager in question is the wife of the owner. Sure, he’s the
customer. He had taken to social media to complain and had gained support of a
prominent former journalist but at the end of the day, the manager in question is
the wife of the owner and between worrying about potential loss of business which
might only be reflected in the end of year accounts and an unpleasant home
life, the owner would choose the later.
Let’s face it,
life is about organising relationships and interestingly that is never truer
than in the business world. In business, how you are known is often a crucial
part in getting or not getting the job. Like or not, logic and rational thinking
about dollars and cents aren’t always the key factors in the creation of a
business decision. Much as my friends in finance and law may beg to disagree,
brand and communications consultants are as important to the business process
because intangible things like chemistry between people can make or break a
deal, even if that deal makes perfect sense from the financial and legal
perspective.
So, when we
look at people, particularly the people who have a say in how things can turn
out for us, we need to look at them in their entirety. You have to understand
how a person will react in a certain situation and what are the influences on
that person that will push him or her to react in a certain way. One of the
biggest influencers over a person’s decision making is the spouse.
Let’s take a
look at American Presidential Elections. The wife (or husband in the case of
Hillary Clinton) of every candidate gives a speech at their respective party
conventions. They give media appearances and everyone listens. Now, here’s the
thing – the “First Lady” is not actually a government post. Americans don’t
vote for the “First Lady” – they vote for a President. However, the candidate
for “First Lady” is placed under the same spot light as the candidate for
President because the voting public wants to know who is the person that will have
probably the most direct influence on the president.
Look at the parings.
Ronald Regan was from Hollywood. His first wife became a bigger star than him
and left him in the dust. His second wife, however, knew how to make him shine
on the global stage. Both George Bush’s had women who knew how to look pretty without
taking too much of the spotlight, thus helping boost credentials as
conservatives.
On the other
side, there was the “first” of First Ladies with professional careers in their
own right. Bill Clinton famously asserted that he and Hillary were part of a
package back in 1992. Upset a few people (he’s on the ticket not her) but ended
up working well. Hillary, the policy wonk who prepares for everything supported
Bill who embodies charisma. Eight years later, there were the Obamas, who were two
intellectuals supporting each other.
Even Donald
Trump’s choice of Melania helped. A section of the voting population liked the
fact that this overweight seventy plus year-old man had “delicious arm-candy”
and it helped him seem a wee bit more virile.
A spouse can be
an asset or a liability. In the case of the Clinton’s, they worked well because
their strengths complimented each other. However, Hillary was also a liability
in her ability to get healthcare passed and her fingers were quite visible in
the scandals that were brought up during the Clinton Presidency. In the case of
the Trumps, there were those who respected Donald for having Melania draped on
his arm but there were those who felt that her choice wardrobe was an
expression of his attitude towards certain groups:
While the
example of American political spouses is the most visible example of the important
role a spouse (or for want of a better term – unofficial influence) on a
particular prominent figure. However, this isn’t limited to America. Here in
Singapore, we have the example of Madam Kwa Geok Choo, or Mrs. Lee Kuan Yew.
Unlike the
American First Ladies, the late Mrs. Lee stayed away from the limelight. Unlike
her daughter-in-law, the late Mrs. Lee never took on a position with the
government or any company related to the government. Yet, Mr. Lee would admit
in his book that he relied on her judgement when dealing with world leaders and
nobody doubts that she played a very a role in shaping much of what you see in
Singapore. As my favourite Flesh Ball said from her perch in Geylang “The real
boss of Singapore is Mrs. Lee. Mr. Lee controls us but Mrs. Lee controls Mr.
Lee.”
Many prominent
people will claim that they only get influenced by official influences. However,
nobody actually believes that. My mother used to be obsessed by the first wife’s
inability to groom herself properly. Her argument was simple – “No point
getting you to care for your image if she doesn’t care about hers.” People were
inevitably going to judge me through her. Unfortunately, parents proved to be
wise in this matter. My biggest triumphs in PR came when the first wife ceased
to be a wife.
However, while
nobody doubts that a person will have unofficial influences, its usually best
that those unofficial influences remain apart from the business that a person
is running. America’s first ladies are not part of the American government. The
lines are clear as to who is the president. Likewise, the first Mrs. Lee never
held any official post. She was a sharp lawyer and mother, whom the Prime Minister
talked to about his day when he went home.
Unless lines are
clearly drawn, things can get complicated when family gets involved. Family
politics becomes company or worse – country politics. When you hire a relative,
are you hiring them because they are your relative or because they are the
right person for the job? Can you disagree with a relative? My personal experience,
the relative I worked for could. He made it clear during the interview – “I am
not your uncle and it is unprofessional to call me uncle.” (Something I
reminded him of when he asked why I called everyone else uncle except him). My
personal case is unusual.
It gets worse
when wives and mistresses get involved. Then the business is no longer a
business but a power play between wife and whatever mistresses are involved.
So, when
dealing with a person, always understand that they don’t make decisions in a
silo. However, also be on the look and see whether there are proper lines drawn
between the unofficial influences and the person or organisation that you are dealing
with.
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