Sticking with Your Own Kind

I recently had an argument with someone who had the potential to offer me a job. He stated that he was willing to offer me $2,500 a month to work for him and it was more than what I was getting. I then pointed out to him that I knew how much he was paying an Italian girl who was working in the same job, which was $1,000 a month more than me and I also was fully aware of what he was paying a Belgium fellow, which was $2,000 a month more. My point to him was that I brought in far more business than the Italian or Belgium but was being offered considerably less to do the same job.

In a fit of desperation, he conceded that while I did a good job for him, the Italian girl in question had “big boobs,” which the customers liked. Still didn’t hold water because I did point out to him that my bald head and fat tummy was still bringing in more money to his pocket. I gave him a way out – mentioning that this was a discussion that we should avoid when both us had just finished one beer too many. However, it was very clear that it wasn’t fun for him to be in a situation where he’d have to tell me that I was the wrong colour.

I think of that incident because it reminded me of what a good Australian friend of mine once posted on my Facebook wall – people tend to stick with their own kind. He made the observation that his Chinese manager had a tendency to hire Chinese and the Indian had the tendency to hire Indians. He further observed that it wasn’t limited to race – he noticed that short people hired other short people and I then pointed out I am a bald man who was hired by another bald man.

All these anecdotes point to one single truth – as much as people talk about opposites attracting, we’re ultimately more comfortable with people who are like us. People who are intrinsically different from us are somehow scary and we somehow find ways to avoid people that are outside are comfort zone.

I, for one, am guilty of this. When I first meet people, the questions that I ask, are those that are designed to look for a common experience, something that says, “we’re the same.” When I meet a Singaporean man, one of my first questions is inevitably, “Which army unit did you come from?” National Service is, after all, the one shared experience that all Singaporean men have and, in my mind, the army unit sort of defines the individual’s character. I remember my day job boss hiring someone whom he was impressed with because the guy did his ACCA whilst still serving in the army. I cringed because if he had time to study, it meant he wasn’t out there with the guys in the field – this was a desk jockey (he turned out to be a nice enough kind but……….)

Being a combat troop in National Service - Not an experience I relished but one that I take pride in and having gone through

I have reference points with people from other parts of the world. I remember meeting a New Zealander who didn’t like sport and I just blanked out – Kiwi who doesn’t appreciate the All Blacks – something must be wrong there.

So, as you can see, that as much as I preach the value of diversity, I am often guilty of looking for comfort zones and staying with my own kind, whether its an “own kind,” based on race, religion, sports team etc. Let’s face it, it’s much easier to bond with someone whom you have something in common with than someone you don’t.

My father will probably shoot me for this remark, but I thank the thousands of pounds he spent on sending me to England because it taught me to appreciate rugby and cricket. Somehow, most of my patrons in latter life would be Indian Nationals and the ability to talk intelligently about cricket and Indian politics was the best way to ensure that I remained on their radar. I also ended up meeting plenty of Australians, New Zealanders and South Africans.

Chucher's College, the place that taught me to appreciate Rugby - a game that would help me bond with Kiwis. 

The ability to bond across cultures is a priceless gift and being able to find “you own people,” is inevitably a wonderful thing.

I am also grateful to Churcher's College for teaching me to appreciate cricket.

However, there is a downside to it in that you tend to get “group think.” When you throw the same people together, you’re bound to get people thinking in exactly the same way and do things exactly the same. Take the Singapore government as a wonderful example. Everybody in the Singapore government tends to have the same background – Same junior college, same military unit, same university and same post graduate school. The common trend amongst our military top brass for example is – basic degree in Cambridge and Business School in the USA.

The good part of the system is that, you get genuinely smart people running the show. Dummies may make it into Cambridge but they get weeded out quickly. The downside is that you get people from the same experience, the same background looking at things in exactly the same manner. So, while things work relatively well in Singapore, you tend to find that the same solutions that were great in the 1960s being applied to the problems in the 2010s.

In a way, diversity has to be forced into the systems. I know of a venture capital firm run by former clients of mine, where the two partners take pride in the fact that they are like “chalk and cheese.” These venture capitalists celebrate their differences because they feel that their strength lies in their differences. Their results seem to speak for themselves.

Perhaps, the answer is thus – give people reasons to come together. Give people reasons to bond and find common ground. Find a reason for giving raising up people who are different from you because in the end, diversity, however painful it is to put into practice, is good for us because it forces us to grow beyond out comfort zones.