How Do You Age Well?

 I’m turning 50 in November. It’s an interesting mile stone in as much as I will officially be “middle-aged,” though if you take the average rate of mortality as 80, then I will officially past the half way point.

So, like or not, I’ve officially aged and I’ve screwed it up big time. I am officially a financially unsecure single dad (officially at the end of March), with no much to show for it. I’m officially out of the radar of corporate and government employers and should my current employer dispose of me, I can look forward to a career cleaning up at McDonald’s or go on the path of entrepreneurship crushing tin cans and selling tissue paper in hawker centres or the MRT.

All of this should be terrifying. The only thing that should occupy my mind is how I’d survive if the current hamster wheel I’m on comes spinning apart. However, where I should find terror, I’m actually finding turning 50 with not much to show to be a liberating experience.

Let’s start with the obvious. I am a failure in the traditional sense. I don’t have a corporate career, despite early dreams of being an AVP at Citibank by my 30^th birthday and much to the annoyance of my family, I chucked in the security of a steady teaching career (There’s nothing more painful than sitting in committee meetings watching people jerk off over their self-importance). I have, in the words of New Zealand’s youngest MP, Ms. Hana-Rawhiti Maipi-Clarke, “Never fit in”

 

 Not fitting in is a challenge in a society that prizes conformity. Gina, my first wife, used to complain whenever I did things because, in her words, I needed to understand that I was in Singapore and not in an “Ang Moh” country. Now, that I look back at things, I’m actually happy I never “fit in” and became part of anyone’s clique. I do attend industry functions and enjoy them for what they are. I’ve enjoyed industry functions both in PR/Marketing and law and accountancy for they are. I do meet people. However, I want to avoid cliques, which are essentially gatherings of little bitches gathering to jerk off.

So, as I get older, I want to stay with people I genuinely like rather than with people I’m looking to get something from. I try like everyone I meet but then again, I’ve come to understand that there are many types of “like.” There are likeable people you can work with. There are likeable people that you should keep liking from a distance. Aging helps me have a better idea who I can and cannot work with.

Then, as Ms. Hana-Rawhiti Maipi-Clarke, states, I try to take things personally. Yes, you’re supposed to learn to take things less personally as you get older. It’s a case of you realise that nobody gives a flying f***k about you and so you no longer feel the need to try to impress. However, I like to think that there are things in this world that I want to get personal about. I want to care even no one else wants me to. It’s a case of you know you’re still alive when you have things that you can care about and want to do something with. I envy the way someone like Ms. Rawhiti Maipi-Clarke can break out into an intense Hakka on her maiden speech because defending her Maori heritage is something that is important to her:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zf2qCAyBVhc   

 

 Then, I look at things that I’m not supposed to do. My favorite discovery was sprinting. I’m past the age of thinking about the Olympics but intense exercise is something a quite enjoy. Started sprinting because I wanted to get the neurotic angel out of my system but then found that I felt alive feeling my heart rate go insane. I get encouraged to continue with sprints when people use the phrase “Old already” or “at our age.”

https://www.tiktok.com/@tang.li0/video/7322508801901366546?lang=en

 

 I’ve also decided that I want to try and build up the body I neglected in my youth. You might call it old age vanity but I realise that the one thing that will kill me off is getting sick and the only way to keep out of the hospital is to exercise regularly an intensely enough. So, the indulgence thus far has been to discover gym time. It’s challenging to lift heavy when you’re an obsess, bald, weak middle age man but then again isn’t that the point. The weaker and more screwed up you are, the more you have to challenge yourself.

https://www.tiktok.com/@tang.li0/video/7329668788494814472?lang=en

 

 Not sure if I am aging as I should. I mean, sometimes I wish I could go back and correct a few mistakes like letting myself get obese in the first place. Could have had a better life without so much booze. Aging is tough but then again, the alternative is always worse and whilst you can’t stop aging, you can do it on your own terms.