I remember that one of the complaints that my employer
once made against me was that when dealing with “foreign workers” I talked to
them like I was like a “friend.” He reminded me that I was working for a “professional”
service firm and I needed to sound professional.
I think of this incident in my life because it touches on what some might call a
weakness. I am a nice person and I only get “nasty” and manipulative only in
extreme circumstances. As a “commander” I wasn’t great at being tough on the
men (You could say that I am meek chap until I kill someone.)
I make the
effort of being particularly gentle whenever I’m talking to people who are “lower”
on the proverbial social ladder, which in the Singapore context is focused on
people like maids and construction workers. It’s particularly so in the case of
the latter group as I’m usually the person who has to break the news to them
that they’ve been f****ed in the liquidation scenario.
There’s a
reason to this. I am actually terrified of sounding like a “superior p****”
whenever I speak to people. Yes, I am very class conscious. I am aware that I was
lucky enough to be born into a family with some money. Dad was at one stage a
prominent enough advertising film director and he lived in a very swish condominium.
My mom didn’t make the big bucks that my dad did but she’s from a family where
it was understood that one got a degree. Both had decent enough careers and as
I’ve mentioned in previous postings, that both of my parents had sufficient
enough contacts who opened doors for me.
So, I am from a
decent family and I have enjoyed a comfortable enough life. The fact that I was
educated in the UK at a minor public school (public being the public that can
pay), makes me a “privileged” person. My first wife used to get intimidated by
the fact that I lived in “condo-land” and would sometimes bring that up in
fights.
While I admit
that I did grow up in a fairly comfortable environment, curtesy of my parents, I
believe that I am most “class-conscious” when it comes to manners. I was
brought up understanding that if you were in a “certain class” you did not
under any circumstances belittle people, especially those who were less
fortunate than you. I was brought up with the understanding that there was a
distinction between class and money. You could be decked out nicely ad driving
a Mercedes but if you talked down to the waiter, you were marked out as someone
with no breeding.
This is not to
say that I am a nice person. My ex-wife would probably disagree very strongly
with that. I am not above being classist, racist, sexists and a whole load of
other “ist.” However, in my daily dealings I work hard to try to leave my vices
out of my speech.
In a way, its
easy to do it when you talk to people who are on the same or a higher level. For
example, every ambassador I’ve dealt with is always addressed as “Your
Excellency” and you automatically adapt a certain sense of formality. Likewise,
you do the same when you talk to your clients (after all, you are automatically
polite to the people paying your bills).
Where I work
extra hard is in dealing with people who are “lower” down the social ladder.
The reason for this is simple. Everyone knows you’re going to be nice to the
guy on top of you and the guy by your side. However, when it comes to people
below them, many tend to forget their manners. Its as if being rude makes the
other guy think you are better than him.
Have I been
tempted to be like this? I can’t say that I haven’t been tempted to be “d***.” However,
I have this fear that the people that matter to me are watching how I behave to
people who are “lower” down the social ladder. I can visualise these people
telling my parents “Oh, what type of rubbish son did you raise – someone who
speaks to the less fortunate – LIKE THAT.”
That fear keeps
me working hard to be conscious of speaking to people like a civilised person. If
anything, I work on the principle that those above me are watching. I think its
best said by American Musician, Austin Carlile:
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