The Sexy in Struggle

 

People Who Come From Nowhere and Make a Life for Themselves are Worthy of Respect  

As a recently divorced man, I’ve reached a strange place in terms of my personal life. I’ve discovered women who find me attractive. My heart ran away and went to a woman about ago and I’ve also met and befriended a woman whom each and everyone of my friends have told me I’d be stupid to go all out for.

However, as a friend of mine recently pointed out, I’m off the mindset that my ex remains the best that I’ve ever had and will have. His point being that whenever I talk about her, its always in admiring terms and even if most people in Singapore won’t understand it. He argues that the girl whom everyone wants me to be with isn’t going to match up, let alone the girl whom my heart prefers over me.

Here’s the truth, it was 13-years of my life and unlike marriage number one, this one involved a home and a child. I did spend time with her side of the family and we’re still speaking. So, it goes without saying that some feelings developed along the way and a part of me feels a little nostalgic and wishes things might have turned out differently.

However, I’ll be the first to admit, that it wasn’t smooth sailing. This “driven” woman was at times “too driven.” Communication was a struggle. So, whilst I’ll always go back to the moment, I decided to get married and make the same decision as I did back then, I’m not broken up by the break of the marriage.

Everyone is curious, why do I still speak well of the ex when one might consider everyone else a step up. The girl whom everyone wants me to be with, is gorgeous and from a well to do family. Her lifestyle is what I used to sell. To top it all off, she’s really well mannered and a decent human being. First time we went out, the cab driver brought us to the wrong place and she actually told the guy that it was ok, people make mistakes and she’d still pay him. There’s something beautiful about a person with so much who treats people with so little with dignity and compassion.

The girl that my heart likes to hang out with is also, in Singapore speak, not too bad, she’s had a string of decent jobs in respectable places and has done well for herself financially.

So, why do I still talk in glowing terms about the ex. What I respect the iron will to survive hardship. My ex and her friends, more often than not, come from Vietnamese hometowns, which, whilst scenic to outsiders, are places where a lot of people don’t know where they’re next meal is coming from.

https://www.vietnameseprivatetours.com/vietnamese-villages

 

 Someone from here:

Yes, despite their handicap, they find a way of surviving and thriving. One of my favourite of her friends is now a franchise owner in the USA:

https://www.upmenu.com/blog/how-to-start-a-franchise-with-no-money/

 

Thinks and does this:

I’m not saying that people in well to do countries don’t struggle. However, not getting into the university of your choice isn’t the same as not actually being able to feed your family. Then, there’s the issue of jobs.

I mean, yes, its more challenging now. The basic degree is considered a basic requirement just to get into the typist pool these days. However, the formula isn’t that difficult once you get in. You basically stay where you are, collect your monthly salary and plot your way around the corporate world. Some of us do it better than others but by and large, it’s a simple formula.

It's a different story when you don’t have qualifications or you barely speak the language of the place you’ve moved to. As one of my favourite African girls likes to say – You have to be a hustler and you have to work very hard for your money.

Success, as they say, is very easy when you have lots of money. As they say, it takes money to make money. So, yes, I do agree that many Western expats who come here to work for multinationals do have certain skills that are valuable to the economy (as a matter of full disclosure, I was an “expat” kid – my first stepdad was a senior creative director in a huge ad agency and transferred around the world with great perks). However, you’re part of a system. The plum job you do come with financial security. The staff speak your language.

By contrast, I have a lot more regard for Chinese and Indian communities who went over to the West. Didn’t speak the local language, and didn’t know anyone. Yet, within a generation they set up businesses and made a life for themselves. I’m old enough to remember the joke in English schools of “Why did the Romans build straight roads? So, the Pakis couldn’t build corner shops.”

To many of us get caught up with things like the car someone drives or the bands they wear. We get caught up with where someone went to school or, worse – which family they come from. What we never look at is the struggle and the things that people had to do to survive and beyond.

It’s not that I think less of girl everyone wants me to be with or even girl whom my heart prefers to me. At the end of the day, it’s the ex that still gets my respect based on the things she’s had to go through.